Timothy Byrne, SMU, Participant
Coming into the School of Christian Leadership (SOCL) I was very excited to experience what the Lord had in store for me. Coming from a place of acknowledging my brokenness and in desperate need for healing, I had been on a journey to seek an intimate relationship with the Lord and deepen my faith. However, I faced many roadblocks in terms of a struggling prayer life and a constant yearning to be loved by the people around me.
In the session on Sin and Salvation, I was intrigued by the truth that every sin has a casualty, that the source of our sin comes from a deeper brokenness within us. This built the foundation for inner healing where the Lord revealed to me the image of a broken family and the many sufferings that I have gone through, where being the youngest I was never allowed to fail and felt immense pressure to succeed and gain validation from my father who struggled with expressing his love. This coupled with the fact that I had lost my mother at a very young age, the one person who loved me the most in this world, left me a deep sense of abandonment and loneliness.
Because of my brokenness I had started to seek out love from the world, forming multiple surface level friendships in hope of filling my innate desire to be loved. My brokenness and fear of abandonment caused me to place other things as lords over my life, diving into a lifestyle that was seen as “cool”, partying, and other unhealthy vices. It had also caused me to become a person that was not life-giving, constantly making witty remarks or jokes that were funny so that people would like me. Little did I know that I was hurting and putting down the people around me who I had met.
Timothy’s cell group during SOCL
During one of the adoration sessions at SOCL, the Lord revealed Himself to me in an image, reaching out His hands of mercy and said, “Tim, will you forgive me?” This really humbled me as I thought to myself, if even our all-powerful father can have the humility to seek forgiveness, who am I to deny Him. The truth that no other love but God’s divine love can fill the God-shaped hole in my heart was also spoken to me during the prayer ministry session. I felt the Lord’s immense love for me, and a sense of renewal, knowing that my brokenness is slowly being healed in His time and that I did not need to feel alone or fearful anymore, because the Lord has always and will always be there, holding me in His embrace.
I used to associate healing with one big encounter with Christ, where He will shower me with His overwhelming graces and I will start to cry uncontrollably. But I now know that healing is a gradual process, and I am already being healed and prepared by the Lord everyday even when I cannot see it. Jesus invites me to claim Him as lord over my life, having a relational lordship with Him, and choosing to pick up my cross everyday and walk alongside Him. It is only then, where my interior life will change, and I become the person that God made me to be.
Leaving the school with a renewal in my faith, I now choose to live my life according to God’s will for me, trusting in His plans and not allowing earthly desires such as the need for control over my future, securing a job before I graduate or doing well in school to define me. For I have fallen so deeply in love with the Lord, I emphasise the importance of daily protected prayer time to sit with him and continually build this relationship, for no other love in this world can satisfy the God-Shaped hole in my heart. Having experienced God’s love for me, I begin to share the goodness of God’s work in my life with others. I realise that I am called to live for more than myself – to live for others. To intentionally journey with others so that they too may come to know and experience God’s immense love for them.
Brothers and Sisters, we were made for so much more, we were made for another world. So, I ask you today, are you ready to allow Jesus to be the Lord of your life?
