Benjamin Liow, Service Team
Hi everyone, my name is Benjamin Liow and I’m currently in my third year at SMU law. Today, I will be sharing my testimony for the School of Christian Leadership.
Coming in to serve at this year’s School of Christian leadership, I was worn out by the numerous law internships, competitions and commitments I had undertaken. I had also been facing much difficulty in my relationship with Jesus due to my self-reliance and self-condemnation. This manifested in a lack of prayer, with my pride luring me into thinking that whatever community session I had that day was enough for my faith, and my own guilt and shame from my sins made me unwilling to face the Lord. Doubt in God’s plans had also started to take root in my heart, due to the constantly changing Covid-19 situation, and the disappointment I felt when I learnt that this 10-day School would yet again be held online.
However, the Lord has shown me again and again how wrong I was to doubt in Him, and that He could work powerfully and majestically even in an online setting.
Early in the School, I was feeling broken in sin and in a mess; but in the quiet of my reflection the Lord said “Come to me with your brokenness and mess, and I will make you whole again”. In my self-condemnation, I was reminded of the overflowing mercy and love that the Lord Jesus has for us, and the salvation that He died for us to have. For His mercies are new every morning, and His faithfulness is indeed great to behold.
On my own, I am weak; but it was by this weakness that I knew I had to call out to the Lord to save me, and rely on His strength instead which was limitless. For the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ is truly sufficient for me, and His strength is indeed made perfect in my weakness.
During the session on inner healing, I also discovered wounds in my life which had led to my constant struggle with inadequacy. I held the belief that I had to be perfect in everything that I did; this led me to place excessive value on my intellectual and social abilities, how I looked and even measuring my ability as a cell group leader in terms of how deeply I had enabled my members to encounter Jesus. I was fearful of how others would see me, and that they would judge me for being incompetent in whatever I was doing.
Benjamin’s cell group
But now I claim the truth that the love the Lord has for me is not conditional upon me graduating with a summa cum laude, or looking good, or making Him laugh, or by the number of people I have brought back into His kingdom. The Lord loves me not for what I have done for Him, but for who I am, His child, beautifully, wonderfully and uniquely made.
As the School went on, I felt my love for the Lord increase daily – for how could I not love someone who was of God’s nature? Having seen the infinite depth of His love and compassion for us, I could not help but be in awe and wonder every time I encountered the Lord in prayer. On the day that I went for mass at the Office for Young People, I experienced very tangibly God asking me, “Benjamin, do you love me?”. For the first time in my life that night, I told God audibly that I loved Him. I knew that to love Him also meant to love His people, and I felt a great desire stir in my heart to truly love His sheep. It is this call which permeates my heart as this School ends and another school term arises upon us.
As St. Augustine says, “To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement.” Dear brothers and sisters, Jesus is the greatest treasure that this life has, and He is offering himself freely to you. Will you join us in this great journey to continually seek God, find Him and fall in love with Him?
