by Nigel Chowdhurie
Hello everyone, I’m Nigel and I am 25 years old. I am the third child in my family; with two older brothers, and a younger sister. My parents divorced 12 years ago. My relationship with my mum is rocky like a rollercoaster filled with loads of ups and downs, while my father and I do not make much of an effort to catch up or meet. I struggle with him and his failed marriage, especially when he wants to advise me on my life. I also struggle with my elder brothers as they do not appreciate the faith that I hold dearly, and can be pretty harsh in the way they show affection.
I studied at ITE and managed to then graduate from poly, but had difficulties with my studies. I used to hear people put me down even though I did my best, and was reminded of an incident in primary school when a teacher called me retarded. These incidents affected my sense of worth and made me feel incapable and useless.
While I was active in church as a youth leader, I was busy trying to love everyone except myself. Internally, I felt I had been forgotten by God especially in the last two years of my NS journey, and had also forgotten what it is like to be loved by God and to love Him. I came to SOW broken but with a desire to be renewed and transformed in Jesus, and to experience the love of Jesus Christ more fully .
During the school, Jesus revealed the truth of who I am in Him and who He is to me. I had a false image of God as an angry judge that needed to be healed. He revealed to me His love is already given to me freely, that I am not a mistake and my wrongdoings of the past had no hold on my future with God.
In a prayer session, Jesus spoke to the core of my heart through the prayer team. I had an image of Him breaking the chains that were binding me. The Lord was desiring freedom and joy for me in Him. I had a beautiful image of Jesus holding my hand gently and running in the fields with me. At that moment, I knew Jesus simply loved me for just being me and revealed to me the truth I am worthy; I am loved, and that He desires joy in my life.
I also had the chance to release forgiveness to my brother. In that moment, the Lord allowed healing to take place as the simple words of, “I’m sorry for not telling you I love you enough.”, broke a chord in my life. The floodgates opened and healing took place.
There was once where I was gazing at Jesus on the cross, His face began to speak to me and I could feel His love for me. I realise that God has emptied himself for me. I can depend on God and be totally reliant on Jesus who is my treasured joy. My life is a unique and particular gift from God Himself to be given to others!
The first change I see in myself is that I look forward to spending time and praying with my mother and sister. I desire to be more present in their lives and encourage them in their walk with Jesus. I have started to release forgiveness towards my dad and my brothers. I took steps to write thanksgiving letters to them and to tell them that I love them. My relationship with all my family members certainly is not perfect and still needs time, for I am a work in progress with the Lord. As I grow closer to Jesus, I see myself being able to release more forgiveness to my family members as well as to myself. I am growing in what it means again to be son and brother in the family!
With a greater sense of hope, joy and love in Jesus Christ, I am more aware of the voice of the enemy that comes to cripple and destroy, yet I know I have the Holy Spirit who is my helper and will fight with me. Now I’m learning to trust that with God, all things are possible.
I also have this desire to grow my faith more intellectually so as to come into a greater understanding of who Jesus is and how magnificent His Love is for me, and to the world.
Brothers and sisters, Do you, like me in the past, wonder if it is worth it to move out of your comfort zone to seek Him? There is no risk too much for God who has already risked everything for you. Will you take up your courage, get out of your boats and walk to Jesus? Seek the one good God who is life and joy. Do not be afraid, for God desires new life for you!