by Jocelyn Yeo
Before coming to School of Witness (SOW), I was working with a company that made me question the meaning and purpose of my life and what I do. I experienced a great sense of desolation there and attempted to apply for numerous related jobs and scholarships to further my studies; in hopes of finding meaning and joy in my life. To my dismay, I did not receive any positive responses from these applications. This left me in the state of deep hopelessness and led me to stay in my previous job for the sake of financial stability. Over time, I started becoming impatient and bitter. I found myself crying on the way to and back home from work often as well. As I felt my life was crumbling, the thought of attending SOW came to mind. Hence, I decided to leave my job and go for it.
During SOW, God revealed that the need to keep up with society’s image of beauty, and the need to keep my heart closed to avoid getting hurt, had been weighing me down. My self-reliance was also brought to light, where I realised that I had been taking things into my own hands and had been dictating what I wanted God to do for me. During one of the prayer ministry sessions, God allowed me to feel the effects of the walls I had built, the lies I believed, and the self-reliance in my heart. I remember that my heart felt so tense and heavy, that I experienced extreme tiredness and was unable to bear it. I felt that God used this physical experience to remind me of the analogy of a clenched and open fist that was shared during one of the sessions. The clenched fist was my heart holding onto my walls, lies and self-reliance to protect myself, while the open fist signified opening my heart to Jesus. God was telling me that a clenched fist involves more muscles and effort while an open fist is relaxed and free, and He desires me to be the open fist. As the week passed, I was continually touched by the immense love of God and became confident of the fact that I am His beloved child. Acknowledging that I was the beloved also included having great confidence in His faithfulness, knowing that I am safe in His hands and that He will fight my battles for me. This spurred me on to place my life under His Lordship. By the end of the week, I had a great sense of lightness, freedom and joy. It felt as though my heart had turned from stone to flesh. Without everything that was weighing my heart down, I felt like a young child running freely again.
Having my identity as a beloved child of God restored, I began seeing myself through the perspective of God, and viewed myself more positively. I was no longer labelling myself with negative words but with positive ones instead. I also had the opportunity to understand what, “perfect love casts out all fear”means. This truth has sunk deeper into my heart through tangible experiences during prayer ministry sessions. This experience of perfect love removed my fear of the future, because I know that the Lord desires to prosper me and He will lead me to what’s best for me. I do not have to have a great master plan for the future because the Lord will be my GPS.
Having received so much from the Lord, I pray and hope that you too will experience the immense love of our Lord and allow Him to work in your life.