By Brandon Tan
What does the Catholic Church teach about love and relationships?
In this contemporary age, many of us are unsure of how to navigate issues about romantic love and relationships. In the case that spiritual mentor figures in our lives attempt to guide us in navigating such issues, perhaps some of us may feel that our lives are being intruded upon. As a result, we are left to explore love on our own and it may dangerously lead us away from God if we end up being hurt or lost in sin. Hence, it is important for us to be aware of the Church’s stand on sexual morality so that we are more adept in maneuvering the otherwise murky waters of love and relationships. Through St John Paul II’s Theology of the Body (TOB), we come to realise the important truth that humans are social beings, not isolated individuals, and that the body is a gift — from God and for others — not “my body, my own.”
Pop culture portrays Catholic sexual morality as a set of inflexible and out of touch rules to be obeyed without question, but it is much more than that. Sexual morality in the Catholic faith is rooted in the love of Christ and this has been portrayed in John Paul II’s Theology of the Body (TOB). TOB is a set of 129 catechetical addresses the late John Paul II gave between 1979 and 1984 that talks about the biblical view of human love in a way that is widely regarded to have revolutionised the way theologians teach about love, sexuality and marriage. The fundamental basis of TOB is not legalism, but love as an invitation to mutual self-giving. God desires to invite us to love one another as persons rather than as objects of gratification. In other words, the call to Christian love entails rejecting the temptation toward selfishness and saying “yes” to God first and foremost. For JPII and the Church, acts of love like sex is considered to be fundamentally good, but must be rooted in self-sacrifice and that can only be possible through the sacrament of marriage. All in all, the Church’s stand is not a suffocating one, but it is meant to allow us to live in true freedom to love!
How should Christians discern relationships?
We often hear the rhetoric, “it is your life, do whatever you want with it”. In general, we do not like being told what to do because we possess the notion that we should have complete power over our lives. In terms of our relationships, perhaps this notion is held even more strongly and God is further away from the picture. However, is making decisions without seeking council from God good for us? In the CCC, it is stated that we are created by God and for God (CCC27). Since God created us for Himself, it makes sense that God desires us to seek His will in all that we do. Our relationships are no exception!
Just as discernment for any decision takes time, it is important for us to not jump into dating. Being patient and taking the time to build healthy friendships is key to relationship discernment. In Christian dating, the question of “is this relationship leading me closer to Christ?” is especially helpful in our discernment process. In sum, dating is a crucial part of our quest towards holiness and the vocation of marriage.
