By Francine Ho
What is “love”?
“What is love?” As humans who are created to love and to be loved, this question is something that must have crossed our minds. For many of us, our perception of love might be based on the countless romantic comedies or korean dramas we watch. But is love really just reduced to a handsome soldier reaching perfectly on time to save the damsel in distress?
If not, then what is true love really? What is the Catholic definition of love and how is that different from what the world defines as love?
The Greeks distinguished four types of love: storge, philia, eros, and agape. Storge referred to familial love, the bond that exists between one who loves and persons, animals, and the things that surround him. Philia referred to friends, freely chosen because of mutual compatibility and common values. Eros is passion, not only of a sexual nature, but also of an aesthetic or spiritual nature, for what is conceived of as supremely beautiful and desirable. Agape love is manifested when one person has much to give to another more needy. ‘Agape’ love is what we will be referring to in this article; a generous self-donation without concern for reward.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines agape love as the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for His own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God. In Colossians 3:14, St Paul tells us that the virtue of love is superior to all other virtues, it binds everything together in perfect harmony.
The Catholic Church holds that love is not just a feeling, it is not just a strong interest, it is not only just about dating; as said by St Thomas Aquinas, a Doctor of the Church: “true love is a choice, it is selfless and sacrificial, it is to consistently will the good of the other. “
How are we invited to truly love another?
The purest and perfect form of agape love is first offered to us by God. In 1 John 4:19, we know that we are able to love because we are first loved by God. Before we are called to love others, the Lord has been and will always love us unconditionally. Through His love, we learn what it means to love others.
To love is to will the good of the other, to give without asking for anything in return.We are taught by St Paul in the Bible that love is always patient and always kind. For example, when a teacher stays back to help her student, the teacher gets nothing in return but still does it out of love anyway! A parent scolds their child if they are misbehaving, because they desire growth for the children whom they love. It may break their heart to do so, but ultimately know that it is what is best for their child.
Loving someone might sound easy at first, especially when people treat us well with respect and kindness. It is easy to love them and to care for them beyond what is required of us. However, what happens when people rebuke us, misunderstand us or take us for granted? Many times, our first response is anger and hatred. At times, the world may even encourage us to act on our anger and take revenge.
However, the Church teaches us that to truly love our neighbour is to love all and in every situation. This means that we are invited to always respond with great kindness and compassion, even to those we struggle with. An example of this is when someone gets upset and shouts at you. Instead of shouting back, you try to understand where the person is coming from and respond with patience and calmness.
To love is also to desire goodness and fullness of life for others, that they may lead a life reflecting God’s graces that they have received. CCC 1829 says that love demands beneficence and fraternal correction. Simply put, to love others is to desire the best for them and to call them out in a loving and healthy manner when they are not leading a life of Christ. To love is not to correct others because we want them to do what we feel is right, but rather to share the truth with them because we love them enough to call them back into what will give them true life.
Often, this is one of the most difficult parts of loving another because many of us do not like to be corrected or to be challenged. But just as how parents punish their children out of love, we are also invited to show true love to our friends by pointing out areas of improvement.
For example, if you know that a friend is not active in his prayer life, you should warn him that his lack of prayer is not helpful and should encourage him to start praying more. It is definitely difficult but this is how we are called to love one another. By challenging them and allowing them to challenge you, you guide each other to leading your best lives in Jesus Christ!
To love is difficult, it requires selflessness and sacrifice, it is a challenge but it is not impossible. Let us learn to love like Jesus and never fail to desire goodness for others and to fight for each and every one’s salvation!