Purified by Love: Jennisa’s Testimony
As a cradle Catholic, my faith was something I took for granted. I viewed it more as an obligation where I had to attend Mass on Sundays, rather than an intimate relationship with God. My approach to faith was transactional, turning to Him only when I needed something, and treating God like a vending machine.
Growing up in a competitive environment and surrounded by high-achieving peers, I felt an immense pressure to excel; that my worth and recognition depended on my academic success. Entering polytechnic, I struggled with the fear of being judged by friends and family due to the stereotypical belief that Junior College was a better route. As a result, I drowned myself in my studies, striving relentlessly to achieve academic excellence. I believed that good grades would make me feel seen and thus I placed my identity in my achievements.
My self-worth became tied to my academic performance, and I grew increasingly self-reliant, convinced that my hard work alone would bring the fulfillment I longed for. I turned to God only before my exams, offering a short prayer as a form of extra “luck” to score well. I saw Him more as a backup plan rather than the loving Father I could depend on. However, this relentless pursuit trapped me in a never-ending cycle as no matter how well I did, it never felt like enough. Even when I achieved straight As, the joy was fleeting. The validation that I desperately sought for failed to fill the void in my heart, leaving me feeling empty and restless.
It was only when I attended a retreat organised by OYP when I realised how deeply I had anchored my identity in my academic performance. During a time of prayer ministry, I received a vivid image of myself running endlessly on a treadmill, never stopping to rest. I was exhausted, and consumed by the fear of falling behind. However, God was standing behind me, patiently waiting for me to turn around and run into His arms. I was deeply moved by this image as it reflected the way I had been living: constantly striving for perfection and caught in an exhausting race for worldly success. In that moment, I felt God’s invitation to rest in His arms, to stop chasing after fleeting things of the world and to allow His love to fill me.
I had been so fixated on chasing worldly achievements that I failed to see that true fulfillment is found in Him alone. I was called to ground myself in my identity as a child of God, claiming that God’s love is not conditional upon my achievements but instead is freely given through His grace. What Christ did on the cross is the ultimate reminder that I am already loved and chosen, not because of what I achieve, but simply because I am His beloved. This truth brought me a peace that nothing in the world could offer, slowly filling the emptiness in my heart.
I also received a beautiful image of a canvas filled with unique brushstrokes and colours. I was reminded that I am God’s masterpiece, wonderfully made in His image. He is the artist and my life is in His hands. This realisation freed me from the need to compare my journey with others. Instead of striving for perfect grades to fuel my self-worth, I began to pursue excellence not for my own validation, but to bring glory to God alone. As I surrendered my need for validation, I felt the chains of worldly pressure loosen. It was a gradual journey of detaching my worth from the world and grounding it in Christ, the only true and constant source of love. Slowly, He purified my perspective and revealed to me that life is not a competition, and that I did not need to accomplish great things to be deserving of His love. I began to let go of my need for validation and surrounded myself with a faith-filled community that reminded me of my true identity in Him.
Now, whenever I am tempted to fall into this trap, I remind myself of who I belong to. I no longer strive to prove my worth but instead seek to glorify God in all that I do and remind myself that I am chosen by God, even when the world does not choose me. As I placed God in the center of my life, I noticed a change within myself. The desire to prove myself and seek worldly approval slowly faded, and I found a deeper joy, love, and peace that the world could not offer. I no longer need to fear losing anything, because in Him, I already have everything.
As St John Paul II said, “It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you”. Our hearts are indeed restless until they rest in Him. So, my brothers and sisters, how will you allow Jesus to enter and purify your heart this Lent?