By Nicole Lim, NUS
Hi everyone! My name is Nicole and I am currently in Year 1 studying Life Science.
Entering university, the one thing I didn’t want to do was to become distant from Jesus. Having encountered Him and His love so deeply at the start of the year, I had tasted and seen of God’s goodness and I did not want to lose sight of this great gift that I had been given, the gift of faith.
Thankfully, Jesus made sure that I never forgot about Him. As university started, there was always a small prompting in my heart to sit with Him in prayer, to rest in Him. But each day, I pretended not to hear His voice especially as the academic rigour of uni kicked in. Instead of turning to the Lord, I would convince myself that watching youtube or korean dramas was the rest that I needed. I told myself that these tangible forms of rest were enough for me and God’s peace wasn’t something that I needed. I chose to give up my own desire for God but thankfully He did not.
During an Antioch session (weekly sessions for NUS Catholic Students Society), we were challenged to give God a chance and face our fears with Him. I realised that I was afraid that what God would reveal in prayer would just add more things to my already overflowing plate and I didn’t want that. This fear was what prevented me from sitting with Jesus in prayer. But Jesus challenged me to face my fear and commit to spending some time with Him. In one particularly busy week in the first semester, I was so tempted to opt out of daily prayer but the Lord’s still small voice kept reaching out to me.
Nicole with her NUS CSS community – top row, second from the left
In my prayer time, the Lord revealed to me that I was being held captive by the lie that I was not good enough. This lie was something which I struggled with after getting rejected by the university course that I wanted to get into. Not getting into my first choice made me feel like I was not living up to the expectations of where my A level grades should have gotten me, and harder still, not living up to the expectations of my family, or myself. This also brought up many questions like “Am I doing the right course? Is this course meant for me? What will I be doing with my life in the future?”
Sitting with Jesus in prayer means that I allow Him to share in my fears and worries and Jesus continues to replace my fears with His perfect love instead. It is through prayer that I can truly find peace amidst these struggles and rest in Christ.
While I continue to struggle with the lies of not being good enough, the Lord continues to meet me where I am in prayer, reminding me of my innate goodness as His beloved daughter. I am still uncertain about what the future holds but I can continue to trust in the Lord’s plans for me for I know that the Lord is trustworthy and dependable. Jesus continues to remind me of how everything is part of His great plan for my life and He reveals to me how these experiences have allowed me to draw closer to Him.
I am also grateful for the gift of community that the Lord has given me. Although I have only experienced a small taste of the CSS community, I am grateful for this community of brothers and sisters that lead me to Christ. The commitments that we make during weekly cell group sessions also help to keep me accountable to remaining faithful to the Lord. Recently, the Science faculty had a day of recollection where I was able to share vulnerably with the sisters in my group. I am so grateful for the space to share faith and receive the Lord’s love and friendship through community and I look forward to continue experiencing the joy of the Lord in community as the semester progresses.
Truly, I am not meant to walk on this journey of life and faith alone. The Lord desires to share in my struggles, worries and brokenness. As Jesus challenges me day after day to respond with my ‘yes’ to Him, I claim in confidence that Jesus will give me the courage to walk this journey of faith with my whole heart. He will walk with me through my fears and trample all my insecurities.
Brothers and sisters, the Lord desires to walk with you in your weariness and to give you rest in abundance! Will you allow yourself to be embraced by Him?