By Rena Tang, SMU Fides
Last year after attending a retreat, I came out with a renewed spirit and passion for the Lord, but it’s hard to keep a flame burning if you don’t feed it. Towards the end of the previous semester as we entered into circuit breaker, I was very distracted from the Lord. Even though we were stuck at home, my everyday was filled with different activities: studies, a part time job, activities with different friends. My mind was constantly thinking about what the next thing to do was, my heart was busy and distracted. I gave so much time to everything except the Lord. But on days where I had nothing to do, I realised I was very restless, I felt a sense of dissatisfaction and discontentment.
SOCL20’s group photo – it was held online due to COVID19′
As we approached OYP’s School of Christian Leadership (SOCL), I didn’t really think much about it. I didn’t have many expectations, because I felt like there was nothing in my life that required fixing. But The Lord works in mysterious ways. Initially, I found it very hard to focus in the sessions and to give my attention solely to what the Lord had to say to me, everything around me was so loud, both physical distractions and mental distractions. This lasted for the first few days, until halfway through when we had prayer ministry. Jesus reminded me of His presence in my life, and how He was patiently waiting for me. All I had to do was lift my eyes and focus on him. I didn’t realise it straight away, but slowly and surely, he stilled my heart amidst the busyness and many thoughts. While I was reflecting, I could feel a shift in my disposition. There was now sense of calmness and I could feel my doubts subside, my desire to trust Him with a childlike heart was magnified. My heart and mind was much more peaceful, and this is one of the ways He has worked through me.
Earlier in SOCL, my CGL suddenly texted me and asked if we could call. She told me that while praying for me, she saw an image. And when she shared it with me, I was speechless. Because although I had never shared this particular problem with her before, the image she described addressed something that I had been very concerned about a little while back and had prayed about. It was something I forgot about and didn’t consciously bring into SOCL. In that moment, I felt overwhelmed with His Love for me, because I realised that truly, He knows us better than we know ourselves, even when I forget something, He never forgets. He knows, and He addresses every part of me, every worry, every trouble, every hurt, no matter how big or small. No prayer is left unanswered, even if it feels like it at the time.
There are many things He has revealed to me, some like the ones that I have mentioned, and others that have been revealed, but I still don’t know what to do about them. I have seen Him work gradually as SOCL progressed, and while I have received healing, I know that He is not done with me, I am a work in progress after all. I believe that He is still preparing me, and in the meantime, I have to stay vigilant in the waiting and continue praying. The things that He has revealed, he will heal. All I have to do is listen, and trust that He will work in me.
He has shown His Love for me in many different ways. Sometimes it’s something powerful that strikes your heart, or a moment of ‘Oh, I know FOR SURE He’s talking to me.’, but sometimes He comes like a soft whisper, gently moving your heart. In order to hear Him we must clear the distractions in our lives and be attentive to what He has to say. How is God talking to you today?
