By Chelsea Kang, Lighthouse (Working Adults Community)
With this freedom He has won for me, I am also learning to wholeheartedly believe that God’s plans for me are good – in my future and in the mission which He calls me to. He has restored my identity in knowing that my worth lies not in the things of this world or the endless tasks that I am able to complete but in Him alone, for He is my greatest treasure.
Having experienced the Lord’s faithfulness through my university years, I stepped in the new season of working life with a desire to discover what it meant to be a vessel of God’s mercy and love in the workforce. However, this conviction slowly started to fade away just a few months into my first job.
As I shuffled from one task to the next, I found myself rooting my identity in worldly affirmations and I began to internalise that my life’s purpose was merely reduced to an endless list of tasks. Furthermore, when life somehow deviated from the perfect trajectory I had planned, I found myself asking the Lord for answers. Was this what it meant to thrive as a working adult? Why do I feel so restless and unsatisfied?
I couldn’t name where this deep-seated dissatisfaction stemmed from, but the constant striving drew me to search for meaning in things I knew were temporary and would only provide a respite in that given moment. Hopelessness eventually manifested into self-doubt and the script that the Lord’s promises for me did not include good plans weighed heavy on my heart. This crept into the inner depths of my being, especially when I fell short of achieving supposed milestones or meeting my own expectations. As I looked to my peers, there was often this sense of abandonment from the Lord, and I began to search for answers or ways I could tangibly experience His love once again.
During this time, a friend invited me to serve at OYP’s Rite of Christian Initiation for Young People. What started off as an invitation to “come and see” later turned into a much-needed time of renewal and witnessing in my faith. As I journeyed with the community, the Lord gently brought me to a place of surrender, to rediscover His love and the purpose He had set out for me.
During a prayer session, the image of a deep well with a bottomless pit came to mind. I had grown comfortable while dwelling in the darkness and had become numb to the Lord’s promptings. It was revealed to me that in situations of rejection and abandonment in my life, I had conditioned myself to mindlessly grasp in an attempt to hide my vulnerability. When life did not follow the trajectory that I had planned, the dissatisfaction and distrust of the Lord’s plans only grew, as well as a sense of guilt for not being able to surrender to Him. Rather than allowing Him to be Lord, I had let my fears take the driver’s seat and I became the Lord of my life.
It somehow all made sense. I realised that in my striving, I had failed to make room to let His plans unfold or thrive in the way He desired. I was stuck in my own stubbornness and short-sightedness, setting a narrow definition of God’s plans to only include the things I desired for. I was prompted to claim that the Lord saw and knew my heart and that in my own unique way, the Lord’s plans for me were good.
In my restlessness, the Lord has been very patient, holding a safe space and leading me back to Him, like a lighthouse that guides ships out at sea back to shore. In being honest with myself and remaining in tune with His voice, He calls me to first return to a place of surrender, with the assurance that He will meet me where I am at.
With this freedom He has won for me, I am also learning to wholeheartedly believe that God’s plans for me are good – in my future and in the mission which He calls me to. He has restored my identity in knowing that my worth lies not in the things of this world or the endless tasks that I am able to complete but in Him alone, for He is my greatest treasure. I claim the truth that my deepest joy and desires are always rooted in Him, and because I know of this simple yet profound truth, I can be patient in trusting Him as well as the process that I am on.
Today I proclaim that the hope that I cling onto is not that of a temporal nature but an everlasting one. My hope is the Lord Himself and I know that in the waiting, I am assured of His promises for me. So, my dear brothers and sisters, will you allow the Lord to be the hope that you cling to?