STORY

We regret to inform you that you did not pass the test.” A million thoughts raced through my mind when I saw the window pop-up at the corner of my laptop screen. I failed? The pop-up was an email notification of the results of a skills test which I had recently taken. Failing this test meant that I might not be able to pursue a career I believed I have a passion for. What can I do with my life now? I felt abandoned, confused and lost. Haven’t I been faithful to you Jesus? Why does this have to happen now? I can’t trust you.

Failing this test convinced me that I needed to take control into my own hands, and my mind went into overdrive. I began to open many tabs on my laptop screen, searching for other career options, companies that I could apply to etc. As I googled mindlessly, tears started to well up. Why do I not feel at peace? By God’s grace, I was reminded of a quote I had heard at a retreat I had recently attended.

The most dangerous thing for the trapeze flyer to do is to try to grasp for the catcher’s hand,” 

 

 

That was it. I was grasping. In the face of failure, I had lost hope that God would catch me and protect me. I allowed my wound of rejection and my fear of abandonment to take over the driver’s seat in my life. So, I swung into mindless grasping in an attempt to gain control. Instead of trusting the Catcher, I allowed my fears to direct me as I tried to grasp for the Catcher’s hand. Is there any wonder why I didn’t feel at peace? 

As the tears fell, I chose to once again surrender my life and all my fears into the Catcher’s hands. I stopped desperately grasping, and allowed myself to be caught by him. As I took a deep breath, I slowly peeled myself away from my laptop screen, and went to take a nice long walk. 

This has been the story of my life and my faith journey again and again. In the face of apparent rejection, failure and/or abandonment, I grasp mindlessly in an attempt to hide my vulnerability. As we enter Holy Saturday, I wonder how the disciples must have felt in the face of apparent rejection, failure and abandonment from Jesus’ death on the cross. 

I wonder how I would have felt if I were them. 

ACTIVITY

Today, we invite you to spend this day in prayer. The activity comes in three parts to be interspersed across the day. The evening activity involves community sharing/ sharing with a group of friends over Zoom. So don’t forget to jio your friends/community for a virtual vigil date in the evening! #dontsaybojio

MORNING ACTIVITY:
Entering Liminal Space
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AFTERNOON ACTIVITY
Giving Hope to Others
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EVENING ACTIVITY
Virtual Vigil Date
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