by Olivia Tian
Last weekend Moses and I served at treasure 9. He was in the intercessory team while I served as a facilitator. But what made it different this time round was that we brought Isaiah along with us.
Leading up to the retreat I had a lot of doubts if we were able to serve. I didn’t feel particularly holy or even close to God. I was drained from work and all I wanted to do was to go home to sleep. Better still, I stumbled across blog posts and even posts on social media of mothers who spent all their time with their kid that they didn’t have time for anything else as they didn’t want to miss out on their child’s milestones.
Those mothers sounded like they were better mothers compared to me. I struggled with self worth and my identity of being a mother. I felt like I was the worst mother around. Which mother rejoices in going to work cos she can take a break from her son? Which mother would go forth to serve at a retreat and drag her 7 month old son with her? I started questioning my intentions for serving. I started questioning if it was a good idea bringing Isaiah with us to Treasure. I even debated pulling out from the service team.
During the retreat I had to admit that it was not possible for Isaiah to be around me for certain sessions. As much as I wanted to spend time with him I knew that I did not want him to be a distraction to the participants. (He can’t help being so cute!) However during one of the sessions God spoke to me to let go.
Yes. I had to let go of my pride that only I could take care of my child. I had to let go of my fears and learn to trust in the people who would help me take care of Isaiah.
In turn God sent people who would take care of Isaiah. God also blessed us with Isaiah who is actually really easy going and easily satisfied with the lights of the vending machine.
Isaiah became the baby of OYP over the weekend. He probably brought much joy and cheer to many around. He even managed to sleep through the night and didn’t get overstimulated as what Moses and I feared.
Most importantly I learnt that I am not the perfect mother. I am definitely not cut out to be a domestic goddess or the perfect Mummy. But God’s grace is sufficient. He got us through the weekend and Isaiah got to see his parents in action praying and serving in ministry.
This weekend also strengthened my belief that it is possible for us as a couple to serve despite having to take care of a baby. I won’t lie and say that it was as easy as taking a walk round the park. However letting Isaiah see that his parents have decided to put God as a top priority rather than putting Isaiah as top priority in our lives is something that Moses and I have mutually decided upon. Our prayer is that Isaiah will grow up knowing God, loving God and putting God as his top priority.
God does not forget those who are faithful. We got to witness Isaiah’s new milestone- Isaiah started babbling on the last day of the retreat and our house is a lot noisier now.
As for me and my house we will serve the Lord~ Joshua 24:15