by Gabriel Kwan, 26 years old
Growing up in a typical Asian family, academics was a priority. As I grew up as an only child, there was pressure on me to do well in everything. Before coming to School of Witness, I was very focused on doing many things to prove to myself and others that I was good enough. This led me to chase after grades, CCA Exco positions and prestigious internships. God had no place in my life.
Even though I achieved much academically, I still felt that I had not achieved enough and sought to chase for more. Thus in 2019, my health became severely affected as my body could not take the stress of school. In trying to meet the expectations of myself and others, I had anxiety attacks almost every day, and vomited whenever I felt stressed. Each day was a struggle for me. The lowest point came when I quit my internship as I felt that I had failed. I felt crushed by everything. I remember going to adoration and sitting in front of Jesus. In adoration, I received the truth that God loves me for who I am and my self worth does not depend on my achievements. At that moment, I knew that I would end up destroying myself if I continued on this path and I needed to anchor myself in God again. I felt like SOW was the place for me to renew my relationship with God my Father and so signed up.
Coming into SOW, I felt very dejected and unworthy of love. I struggled to claim God’s love due to my past mistakes and could not accept the love that God wants to give me. The past years left me with chronic physical pain, emotional pain and anger towards myself and God. However, from the first day, God was relentless in His pursuit of me and gradually opened my heart as I had previously kept God out for a very long time. During the Father’s love session, as the prayer team prayed for me, I allowed myself to feel all the pain that I had suppressed before. As the Father embraced me, I felt a deep sense of peace and a love that could overcome the pain. The night session where we were invited to surrender our hurts was the turning point for me. It was then that I knew that Jesus knows my pain and had always been by my side also feeling the pain with me. It was at this moment where I felt in the depths of my soul that I was truly loved by the Father. His love casts out any guilt and shame that I had held on to so tightly before. I am now convicted by the love of Father and that I am beloved. From that day onwards, the deep sense of peace is within me.
More testimonies on the Father’s love:
Previously, I struggled to love myself and thus found it hard to love others. Now having received the love of the Father, I am now able to love my brothers and sisters freely like how the Father loves. I have learnt to see them with the eyes of the Father, replacing judgement with love. Before coming into SOW, I was living a life without purpose; I was merely living my life for myself. Now God gives me a new life that is meaningful and purposeful as He calls me into His service to serve Him and His people with the gifts that I have been given. He instills in me the desire to surrender my life to him completely for I know that my life is safest in His hands. I can now boldly claim that my Lord is my Saviour and redeemer.
As I continued to walk this journey with the Lord, I know that he has great plans for me. All I need to do is to follow him and seek him every day of my life. Do you wish to live a life of fullness? The Lord is inviting you today to walk with him.