by Peter Wong (right)
In my family, I am the youngest of three children, and both my parents and sisters are active in church, so I followed suit. I thought that being active in church would lead me to encounter God but I was wrong. I treated God as a vending machine, going to him only when I needed His help, but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. I could not entrust my life to God, this mysterious man that I have not seen or felt. If God really loved us so much, then why would He allow my family to struggle financially and for there to be constant fighting?
Growing up, I was also bullied in primary school because I wasn’t fast or enough. I began to believe the scripts that a man has to be of a certain sort – the sort that is good at sports and cannot be in touch with his emotions. If you didn’t fit that mould, then you were not the perfect man. Consequently, I felt this perpetual need to prove that I am man enough for the world. I wore different masks and my speech would be different with different groups of friends. The same mouth I used to curse and swear was also used to praise God’s name. Switching between these masks was exhausting and sometimes I’d rather be alone. I also found myself chasing material goals.
However in 2019, I attended marriage preparation course (MPC) with my girlfriend. The component on couple reconciliation helped my relationship with my girlfriend. It was then that it occurred to me – what about reconciliation with God who is the Almighty? I felt a strong desire improve my relationship with God, and this led me to come for the School of Witness.
In the school, Jesus has revealed to me various areas of my life that I needed to face. During the outpouring session, I had an image of Jesus swapping out my heart for His very own heart (like in Iron Man) and I thought it was my imagination. The prayer team came and said “trust me”. As they prayed, one of them had an image; “I see you on a motorcycle going at a fast speed and you are smiling and enjoying yourself. That is the freedom you desire.”. I was in awe because I had not spoken to this person before but Jesus knew exactly how to communicate to me. When everybody asks me why I ride a motorcycle, my reply is that there is a freedom that can’t be felt anywhere else. Following that, another member said to me, “Jesus lives in you and He can’t wait for you to unwrap the gifts he’s gifted to you.” This sealed the deal for me as it affirmed the image I had of Jesus giving me His heart and making me new. I knew that God was inviting me to trust in Him for He has great plans for me.
More testimonies on the love of God the Father:
Looking back at my time in SOW, I have come to understand that Jesus called me here not to answer my question of the future in terms of career choices. Instead, He called me here so that He can build a firm foundation in me as a man of God so that in the vocation of marriage, I can be a better husband to my future wife and a better father to my children. Jesus changed my vision and allowed me to see my greater calling.
All this while, the Jesus whom I thought of as a vending machine is not who I thought He is. He is instead the One who has been relentlessly chasing after me so that I can live in the freedom He desires for me without any masks.
The journey with Him has not ended yet. I still struggle with my insecurities and fears, but now I know that I can turn to Jesus and surrender all my struggles to Him because He loves me for who I am. I now trust entirely in Jesus and His plans for me. I don’t have to chase the world’s ideals as He walks before me, beside me and behind me. Jesus is the master painter and I’m his priceless piece of art.
So would you let down your nets into the deep today & trust Jesus to work in your life?